The one I didn’t want to write

There are photos that might be difficult included in this blog post, please be advised.

Two months ago, Sunday March 15, my dad passed away. He’d not been responsive for two days and took his last breath late into the afternoon.

We were blessed to have him pass the day after the pandemic rules started for the hospice, and well before the complete lockdown began. He didn’t want to die alone and he didn’t, my mom my bestie and I were with him.

March 6, 2020 in hospital

We knew it was going to happen sooner than later but it wasn’t supposed to be that fast. We had plans on building a new shed and yard work for the summer. On things that needed to be done. He wasn’t ready to go and I wasn’t ready to let him. It was heartbreaking to watch him deteriorate and shocking at how fast.

The last photo of my dad ever, taken moments after he passed. March 15, 2020 in hospice.

I find myself more lost than I though I’d be. I thought I was prepared. It’s overwhelming at all that has to be done. I’d taken on most of his duties and chores but this is all so different. I find myself ready to ask about a recipe or where something is and it stops me cold when I remember he isn’t here to ask.

If I’d known the last time we had a chatter that he was lucid enough to be the one doing most of the talking was the last one like that, I’d of asked so much more. If the last time he held my hand was it, I’d of not of let go so easily.

He’s home with us now after cremation.

I’m happy he’s not in pain anymore. I hope he’s moved on to something or somewhere better. But I miss him. His curiosity. His inventiveness. His cooking. His teasing even. I’m glad he saw some tiny success in my life but I feel like I let him down. I wanted him to see me be successful in my businesses with good money coming in, and secure in the fact I could look after myself and my mom. I feel like I failed him, I could have done more and been more while he was still around to see it. Ugh!

I can’t imagine our first Fathers Day or his birthday, both coming soon. And what’s their first anniversary going to be like for my mom next month. All the little milestones. All the bad jokes. All the good times. I know we’ll get through it all but how much nicer it’d be if he were here to go through it all with us.

I’m working on getting my bearings and adjusting to all the new responsibilities. I’m sorry I’ve been AFL (away from life), I’m working on finding a new normal. Thanks for sticking with me through it all.

au revoir

xo

I

P.S. Please do not take or use these photos for any reason. They are not for use (personal or otherwise) by anyone but me.

Let’s Chat

So, it’s been a bit since we last caught up. there’s been all matters of good, bad and otherwise.

As you might have read, if you’re following my social media, I finally got the chance to get on Merch by Amazon. It’s been what I thought might help but it came with a cost. I searched “magpie muddles” and saw my initial 3 items but also that one of my designs had been stolen. Not a great feeling you can imagine. I have taken it up with Amazon, but as of now they don’t seem to think I’ve given enough proof that I created the design in question and won’t do anything to the other seller. Let me make this very clear, I design for myself and only myself. My designs are never for purchase (maybe in the future I’ll change my mind and offer that but not now). I never was asked and even if I had been I’d of said no (see the reason preciously). Even if I buy a design that is for commercial use, I non’t just slap it on and say done, I always do something to make it mine. That’s part of the charm of really making something special. Like I love that people actually do create for someone to use their design and and just sell it but I really want everything to have my spark. So I find it truly gross that someone flat out stole a design I actually created and just used it as they wanted with no regard to the actual person who put the time and thought into it. I’ve no respect for anyone like that period.

I am because of all this making the move to have Raine of Iris as just a hub for info and redo the brands a bit. Magpie Muddles will become the graphic design hub now. It will have all the Magpie originals plus Kalamity Raine gaming designs and Parapopulous spookiness. Both Kalamity Raine and Parapopulous will continue as shope on their own because I know some people just want to shop brand specific and those also could have other endeavours that need to be freestanding. My OOAK handmade organic creations will fall to Betwixt Baubles. And the rest will remain as is. It’s a lot and I want to get it all right and keep it as simple as possible for everyone to find.

I have added another site for my photography, I think actually 2 in fact from the last time I sat here and told tales of things I’m up to. Perhaps I am spread thin but I do truly love all the things I do and it would be like picking a favourite child if you said I could only do one thing. Links are as always here on site (or on their way but in a post if time is very pressing or I’m ridiculously excited to share).

I’m looking for a way to search my works on Amazon.com easier but best way I can figure currently is to search “magpie muddles” in the quotes. By the way the coffee cup is not mine, that’s the stolen design. If you want a coffee cup or a travel mug, I’ve got lovely ones on my redbubble … please don’t support stolen merchandise designs.

Thanks for all your support! Honestly in times like these it’s lovely to have such a great community.

au revoir

xo

I

Catching Up

So it’s been an okay month.

I’ve gotten back into a streaming schedule. I have only 3 scheduled but I as a rule end up having more. I like the flexibility of being able to pop in as time allows without having to potentially adjust or cancel. I will likely add a day to the schedule and perhaps adjust start time. I’ll keep you posted on that. As always Twitch is where to find me.

I’ve been working on new designs..

These are all currently available in my KalamityRaine redbubble. The Appalachia Awaits is a limited time design, so grab it on whatever you need it on before it’s gone.

I will be reopening the redbubble hub and it will have all of the availabile designs from the individual shops so you can one stop shop. And if you prefer to browse by genre, the individual shops remain open. It offers quick or relaxed browsing options. And of course new designs (some limited time) are coming to all.

I will am designing new pieces for the Etsy shops. Full production won’t start until I’ve finished off the construction of the last shelves (for now) in the living area. That being said, I am bringing new creations shortly.

It’s difficult juggling everyone and everything but I’m working with what delights me in hopes it will bring the same to someone else. Insomnia, depression & injuries are always accompanying but it’s good to have faithful companions.

I hope this finds you in good humour and abundance of joy.

au revoir

xo

I

Am I really writing this?

This is a hard post to write. I’ve been sick and absolutely exhausted for a week now & it seems like vertigo is kicking in because of the ear and it sucks.

I’m not sure if I can put it into words properly but im going to try.

I follow the people I do on social media because I adore them and what they do. I wish for good things for good people.

I’m finding myself overwhelmed by just not feeling good enough. I’ve blogged, vlogged, streamed, created & designed (admittedly this past year and a half has been sparse). I’ve started to wonder just what I’ve not got that everyone else seems to have.

I post and someone else does similar after and they get the sales, the likes, the respect, the follows or whatever it happens to be. I tell myself “we’re all at different stages”, I do the pep talk and keep going….it happens again. I’m really starting to feel completely useless. I felt this way even when I was being consistent in getting things done but now it’s just suffocating.

I know a lot of it is being brought on from the changes that started happening in February of 2017. The people who blindsided me (who had done it in some ways before) really took huge pieces of me in every way this last time. I know they don’t deserve the power or the attention. I can’t shake the inadequacies they stirred up and it’s eating me alive.

I want to be the creative, producing, fun loving quirky gal I used to be. I think she might be gone and all the shiny things don’t seem to be helping get her attention.

I don’t want to be dancing with this weight of depression and inadequacies with doubts rasing through my head. I don’t want to not be inspired by all the amazingly creative and beautiful people and things in the world.

I want to be valued and appreciated for what I do. To be able to live from it and have savings and able to pay my own way. To love life again and be proud of myself and the things I do.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

Sorry for dropping my innards out here. I’m grateful for the support and love I do get. And please know how much it means to me when you just lurk in the livestream or when you’re able to purchase a tee or sticker that I created. It’s nowhere enough for me to be able to live off of yet or even pay a bill but I appreciate it all and I really am trying to keep it all going and more.

au revoir

xo

I

So you like Spreadshirt…

Because I know sometimes we just like to shop in certain places, I’ve opened a Spreadshirt shop … 15% off with coupon code: welcome-100220889 at HTTPS://shop.spreadshirt.com/RaineOfIris . 

The Redbubble shop remains open and a Design by Humans shop will open soon because I know choices are good and each one has its own special items. Otherwise look forward to a blog post here and vlog on rainecaster (as well as the parapopulous podcast) heading your way soon.

au revoir

xo

I

Thursday means …

A new blog post on Parapopulous and of course it’s Tube Thursday tonight at 8pm E for me as the Klutzy Gamer. I livestream every night but Sunday and all except Thursday are on Twitch. And look out for some Valentine news tomorrow! I’ll be back to update you with links in about 24 hours. 

au revoir

xo

I